Tears

I will go visit my son and granddaughter this afternoon, and do my level best not to cry.  My son and his wife are getting a divorce, and he has her today. It is not easy thinking about the voids that divorce creates. My son has been married to his wife for eleven years, and they dated for two years, so over a decade of memories have come and gone.

My granddaughter is the one who is going through the hardest times as she will have moved twice in 6 months from her home to an apartment, and finally to a home in Louisiana near her other grandparents. That is the logical venue for my son's soon to be ex wife, close to home and her family.

 Both parents guarantee that we will see my granddaughter like before, but time dictates that this will not happen. School activities will supersede paternal grandparent needs. My husband and I are both busy, but it was nice to know that one grandchild was just an hour away. Our other grandchildren live out of state and we get to see them about twice a year, and sometimes a third visit during the birthday month of October. We treasure those times with them.

I will pick her up tomorrow afternoon due to a prior morning commitment. She will spend the night with her Mimi and Pops. I will take her to Splashtown, and hopefully she will treasure these last normal moments as much as I will. I am thankful that she has lived so close by until this year. Her mother was always sweet to include me in adventures to shows and school activities. She was a sweet daughter-in-law, and I took pride in being a helpful mother-in-law to her. I will always treasure the moments spent with the baby, the toddler, and now the little girl.

I have prayed over and over again that they would go to counselling, but so far this has not happened. I can't give up hope that God will rescue this sweet family. I will continue to pray that God will open up doors, so that they all will return to him, and honor Him above all else. I pray that they will be given happiness and blessings in spite of the circumstances. I pray that they will all be divinely protected during this hard, hard time. I pray that my granddaughter will feel God's arms around her as she struggles with a new home, new daycare, and new routine. I pray that my daughter-in-law will find a job that is condusive to being a working mom, and that she spend quantity as well as quality time with my granddaughter. I pray that my son will maximize his time with his daughter as these years pass by so quickly, and then our children are grown.

And I will continue to cry until God dries my tears.......

Just Overwhelmed Right Now

My mom had a stroke about a year ago, recovered beautifully, and then broke her arm while trying to get her morning newspaper. She had been released to modified independence, and that included using her walker at all times. Being the independent personality that she is, she decided to retrieve her newspaper without using her walker and down she went.

We hired caregivers and rotated taking care of her between the siblings while home health provided rehabilitation and nursing. All is not well in mom land. The physical therapy evaluation would not release her from 24/7 care, and I could not be part of the rotation in June. My son and his family were coming for a visit, and I really wanted to spend as much time as possible with them. I had worked out a caregiver  with one of my siblings routine until July when we could once again share the duties. This sister rebelled sighting several family issues. I ended up getting a social worker involved, having one brother removed from the health decisions, and taking my mom to a retirement independent facility about 2 miles from another sister.

Home health has called with several concerns about my mom. She keeps forgetting her walker, and sometimes forgets to take her medications. I told the case worker that I would call twice a day and remind her to take her pills. My sister went by last night and corrected the errors with the pills. Most were ok, but the diabetes medicines weren't correct in all of her boxes.

I don't know how my mom will do in all of this, but I have paid to have more monitoring with her showers and routines. It gives me some piece of mind, but the control freak in me would like to just move her to Houston and monitor her personally. She does not want to live with any of her children and really enjoys her own space. Her home is in limbo because we all want her to get her balance back and go back home to modified independence. In 3 months if she isn't happy at all, we will start looking for a live in caregiver for my mom. If she is happy at the retirement facility, we will put her house up for sale.

I don't really know how my mom feels, but she made me get the out of hospital do-not-resuscitate paperwork done for her before her moving day. I would feel guilty about my mom's not adjusting yet, but she will actually do more for herself in this facility than she did in her home. Someone was always going by and handling her life for her from paying bills to counting pills to making sure the laundry was done and the house was clean. We are all worn out. Sounds like we don't have much patience with my mom, but we have been taking care of and rescuing her since 2006. She went in for a simple surgery and ended up with congestive heart failure that year, and it seems like there has been one issue or another every year.

My husband and I are both very independent personalities, and we stay busy. It is probably the bond that keeps us married. We always find something to do or a good book to read.  My husband has always traveled or worked away from home, so our time together is precious even if we just exist side by side. He commented that he saw me for only 6 days in 2 months after mom had broken her arm. For him to actually notice the days was a wake up call for me at the time. I knew then that a solution for mom care had to be found.

My brother wanted to move my mom to his house against her will, and that resulted in the social worker getting involved. One of my sisters had planned on mom living with her and even built her retirement home to accommodate her. After the mother's day weekend, she realized that she could not really monitor mom safely. She has her own health issues and must get her sleep at night. Night time is when my mom would slip out of bed or almost make it down the hall to the bathroom. She would forget her walker and slide down the nearest wall. She was found in the morning on the floor at my brother's house. I hired a night time caregiver for those wee hours, but my sister then revolted as she was getting the brunt of the daytime hours and could not have her life with her immediate family. I understand completely. My life has been spent more in Victoria with my mom than here in Houston. My husband's pecan orchard work is near Victoria, so I actually got to see him on the weekends.

This whole experience has been an eye opener as to what I don't want my kids to deal with when we are older. I invested in some long term care insurance for our last 3 years on this earth. I felt that my life was passing me by, but I was not in it. I was in my mom's life and doing a very poor job of caring for her. Something had to give. I talked to my sisters, and we all revisited the facility mom liked the best. Mom made her decision that day, and she signed herself up. She is there now, and already sounds happier. The routines and medicines issues can be handled with add on assistance as time goes by.

I am now enjoying my grand kids and looking forward to some fun with them. I sleep at night knowing that my mom has an on site medical alert button. She can push this anytime she falls or slips or slides down and ends up on the floor, and someone will assist her. I just hope she remembers to do so. This has definitely been a learning experience for me. The decisions were some of the most difficult I have ever had to make, but I am at peace that it is the correct decision for now. I had prayed that God would give me a solution and  that I would be at peace with the decisions. It hasn't been easy, but all is ok today in the aging parent department. I know that the facility offers lots of opportunities for my mom to have quality of life until she dies. That brings a smile to my face.

Refreshed in the Lord

     I thank God for my prayer group, Grandmothers in the Gap. It was started a couple of years ago by a sweet lady who felt the Holy Spirit's nudging at a church conference. This prayer group is not new, but it was new to us and our church members.


     I always feel the same way after praying non-stop with sisters in Christ. When two or more are gathered in my name comes rushing back into my very being during these special times. The group is a confidential one, and anything we pray about stays private. We pray for our children, grandchildren, our church and it's pastors, the nation and it's leaders, and the world in general. We pray for salvation for all. We thank God for the many blessings He has given us, but more importantly, we thank God for our salvation through Jesus Christ. Sometimes I am in awe that God chose me, and I in turn chose Him. What security that brings to believers!


     This world is just so limited in happiness and peace. We pray for personal and world peace. Sounds like something out of a Sandra Bullock movie, but I write the truth. We share each other's pain as we pray for hedges of protection for our family members. We get glimpses of our lives and understand that God is in the hard stuff, too.


     There have been times when the presence of the Holy Spirit is so strong that I have tears in my eyes. Just knowing that God is with me at the very moment I cry out to Him is a blessing like no other. Sometimes the emptiness overwhelms me and I seek solace with these ladies. They never judge or advise or council. They pray with me and for me, and I return the prayer. What a sweet Spirit is the Spirit of the Lord.

Offically a New Year

I really track time by my finished events, however great or small. My Christmas decorations came down yesterday, and I actually feel like the holiday season is over now. I will admit that the house looks sort of bare, but that is because I can't find the items that covered the tables and mantle. I can't believe I didn't put the "stuff" in the same boxes that housed the decorations. That is what I normally do, so it is just  matter of swapping out the seasonal "stuff" for the daily "stuff."

 

I am sure items are tucked here and there in closets and drawers, and they will eventually show themselves when I begin my ritual of  getting rid of half of everything in the drawers. That is my new resolution. Just get rid of the stuff that gets in the way of what I really need.

 

 

I spent all day running errands, and was lucky enough to beat the rain. There are about ten things I need to do, but it involves bookkeeping, and remembering how to input data. Since I can't seem to remember where I keep physical objects today, I won't tackle the computer programs. I started back on my diet-bummer-and the first hurdle is always getting my sugar correct. I never, never have high sugar levels, but I do seem to take dips when it is low. It is a juggling act, but I get it level after a couple of down days of fogginess in the mental areas.

 

 

My cousin is visiting my mom today, and I wish I had gone with her, but the return day didn't work for me. I have a board meeting on Thursday, and that reminds me that I need to balance the club checkbook. I am a dime off, and I remember a time in which I would have driven myself crazy finding that dime. Now, I just write about the issue. The monthly deposits won't be finished until Friday, so I will tackle that dime then. I just figure that we have whatever the bank says we have, and that is that. It is more complicated than that for the IRS, but today is not the day to figure it out.

 

All is well in my world. Richard got another raise like he always does, and I get to stay retired. My grandchildren are healthy and happy, and my kids are doing fine. My mom has fully recovered from her stroke, and I may finally get a good nights sleep. I take a sleeping pill, and get 8 hours, but I still have trouble going to sleep. I restocked my melatonin today, so am really looking forward to just going to sleep tonight. Amazing how the little issues of growing older can sometimes consume us. I know how tired I am because of my inability to sort my ideas. That is why this blog is all over the place.

 

 

I am reading Ape House after finishing the Reacher books. I really think I read these before, but got interested again because of the movie. Just remembered my last chore for the day. I was supposed to go get my new glasses and new prescription. Tomorrrow..........

 

 



Winding Down the Old and.....

Contemplating the new. Our party group left with smiles last night and that was what it was all about. We talked and played LCR non-stop until the money ran out, as I had set a limit to our fun. Even the guys got into it and the last pot was a good one. We all indulged in too much food, eggnog, and vino, but we all enjoyed laughing at the anticipation a winner takes all kitty spurs. Hints included that a new neighborhood trend had begun, and I remembered thinking that I will be very happy to attend this new event. Nice to have friends who just enjoy being around each other. We got to meet a couple of new people and jokingly reserved their Colorado home for a trip in the future.  

Richard is on his way to the pecan orchard, and I am chilling while I decide if I will attend a New Year's Eve party. My grandson might be available for a visit also, and I don't want to miss that. My thoughts travel to my mom and whether or not I should have tried to visit her this weekend. The weather hinted at a messy eve and first, so I opted to stay home. Bad weather doesn't bother my husband at all, but I am a nervous wreck traveling bad roads for any reason. I let him be the adventurous one going to the hometown.

Lots of changes this year in the family dynamics have encouraged me to get my "started five years ago" projects finished. I am bound and determined to get my boys pictures put into new albums. They have all been released from the acidic pages of the old time albums, but the organization end of it all has been the biggest challenge. I think I am ready to start the next album when I discover a box of pictures I just packed away much too quickly. I find that I thought I would remember the year of the events because it was so important at the time. Not.....this just hasn't happened and I find myself thinking now in themes instead of years as the pictures just seem to flow into each other.

The digital age made the last 10 years much easier to chronicle, and sites like Shutterfly help immensely with the picture inventories. Computers and the outside storage also create amazing timetables of life's events. All very compact and accessible unless the power goes out. I love the ease with which we can just look at our lives and those we love with the quick motion of inserting a digital card into an electric picture frame. I refer to my digital picture frame as my personal TV of the events that really count. I find comfort in this kind of grounding and remembering that my family and friends bring the continuous smiles to my face.


If I am ever at an age where I have to go to a retirement home of any sort, I hope my family remembers my picture frame and the SD cards I have carefully saved in lieu  of wiping them clean. My entire life is on those cards thanks to the ability to scan and save and redeposit the old pictures to the cards. I wonder if the next generation will be as happy to find the cards and the memories as I was to put them there. They will have their own memories to contemplate and hopefully will be thankful that I had set this example for them. Who knows, but one can hope?

Just Thinking Today

I don't get a lot of opportunities to just be on my schedule. Today is one of those days. In fact, this whole weekend is mine. Just mine. I will drink coffee in pajamas all day if I choose to do so. I won't, but it is nice to know that I can. I have a list of things to do, and I will get the list finished, but it will be on my schedule. I don't even have to make dinner tonight for my hard working husband. What a treat. Next week will be another blur as I visit my mom and go to the doctor with her. She is sad and having a hard time since losing her sister. It is hard to be the only remaining sibling of a generation. Scares me to think about it. The last fun event happened last night. We went to a granddaughter's program, and what a joy to once again see 3 and 4 year olds singing and telling the Christmas story. The end was wonderful with all trying to outsing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." It was a hoot. Then, Richard took me down a few streets with Christmas lights. Rare occasion, that one, as lights are definitely not his thing. I will do my own sightseeing this weekend too. This year has passed so quickly. I turned around and my best bud grandson is now 12. Twelve. He was just 5 when we met him. My granddaughters are 4 and almost 4. It was just yesterday we were flying to NC to meet the new brunette, and three months later, rushing to the hospital to greet the new blond. My mom had the blessing of seeing the newborn, too. Both fathers were in awe of the new life, and the love that was in their eyes just melted my heart. On another note, I am bound and determined to finish a project I started 6 years ago. My grandson was living with his dad, and as a gift to my new daughter-in-law, I arranged to fly him back home on Christmas Day. We had a grand time while there, and I found these Night Before Christmas books, and thought then and there about making a keepsake for the grandchildren. At the time, I bought 4 because both daughter-in-laws were pregnant. Lo and behold, 5 years later, I am accomplishing this treasure. The treasure is probably more mine than theirs, as I love the feeling I get when I look through pictures and just remember. Some people jog. I look at memories. The NC family visited between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and what fun we had. My granddaughters both love the outdoors, and the parks are one of our favorite places to spend time. Just the moment when the cuties first could swing by themselves brings joy to my heart. Reagan got to ice skate for the first time, and I wondered if my younger son was taken back to his first ice skating in the very same Woodlands mall many years ago. I was also taken back to the year my older son skated for the first time in the Galleria mall. Back then, Richard and I sat at a Mexican restaurant and watched as David mastered the skates. Years later, we sat as adults in the same part of Houston and watched the light parade one Thanksgiving evening. I look forward to history repeats as the grandchildren get older. Hopefully, we will expand on the memories as time goes by. I was able to get both girls to Victoria to see my mom, and I took a cute picture of the great grandmother with the girls in the coats mom got them for Christmas. We have had several gift exchanges already as I wanted to see their faces. I am sure that I will treasure that moment in time forever. If I had been thinking, I would have gotten me in the picture as well. I will frame that picture of my mom and take it to her next week. We will smile together. Some people jog. I look at pictures of the great times together.......always will.

Losses

My favorite aunt passed away this morning at 7:20. Ola Olivia Alexander Gara has joined the Lord and is no longering suffering from cancer. She battled bravely to the end, God was merciful and she is no longer in pain. She leaves behind two daughters, Jennifer Gail Gara Gietzen (Jeff) and Katheryn Alexis Gara Morton (Jeff) and three grandchildren, Alex and Kyle Bayley and Claudia Gietzen. She is also survived by her sister, Bettie Joy Alexander Bethke, my mom. Nieces and nephews include: Rebecca Smith (Richard), Marsha Bain (David), Marvin Mikeska, Judy Higdon, Bettie Hairston,and Dale Alexander. She leaves behind great nephews and nieces: Jason Mikeska, David Keefer, Justin Smith, Bryan Jones, Ashley Higdon, Mathew Bain, Britney Bain, and Christine Mikeska. Great-grand nieces and nephews include: Kaleb Mikeska, Kamryn Keefer, Jonathan Stafford(by marriage)and Reagan Smith, Emily Bain, Christopher and Jonathan Brockwell, David, Nicole and Dryden Jones. I mention the extended family because my Aunt Ola took great care to make sure we knew she was always thinking of us. Christmas always included boxes of cute gifts from the oldest niece to the youngest great-grand nephew. I was always surprised at her ability to remember everyone as most of the previously mentioned relatives are my mom's side of the family. I gave up long ago trying to get individual gifts just to say I love you, but I admire people who do this. We are enjoying the company of my aunt's sweetheart for about 15 years. I remember the evolution of this relationship well. My aunt loved to square dance, and met Francis through this hobby. They danced together for years, and Ola's wish was to die on the dance floor. That's an interesting way to end one's life. Die while engaged in something you love doing. I want to go that way.....maybe while painting a sunset over the ocean. My aunt has once again inspired me. She always did.

Legally Stoned......

My favorite aunt is in the latter stages of cancer and this became my catch phrase as she medicated with the sixty's favorite herb. As she cut the cookie or fudge treat, she would tell me that she would share, but it would be illegal to do so. We would both get a good and much needed laugh. Her cancer in its last stages is quite painful and her nausea really unpleasant. Her doctor prescribed the marijuana for her stomach, and it does help. My younger son has been sending all he knows about the treatment with instructions to not tell mom. I sometimes wish my children would give me credit for at least having knowledge about issues in this decade. The medicinal use of marijuana is a non issue to me. If I research the medications I take every day, I am sure that most of them get their power from various plant bases. In fact unless synthetically produced, most medicines do begin as some sort of foliage. Such is science and such is the science of medicine. It's been a rough 2 months for me. My mother had a stroke, was in rehabilitation for a really quick six weeks, then home with 24/7 care. I was her caregiver for the first two weeks home and my brother and sister covered this last two weeks. We were all in the process of getting a family gathering organized for my mom and aunt. My mother was instructed to stay close to her physicians for at least six months, and then my aunt received news that her condition is terminal. My husband was on board with getting me to Seattle to visit with my aunt. He handled the reservations for me, and that gave me a few moments to just breathe. The visit was bittersweet as we talked, played a few games, and enjoyed a meal together. It is hard to see someone you love in pain. Pain is such paralyzer. Normal activities become difficult and it is, quite frankly, easier to stay in bed and have one's pillow fluffed. My aunt was frustrated that we couldn't go have fun. I assured her that I had come to visit, and I had. My cousins are very accomodating hostesses, and I was treated like royalty. I could lie and say that they reserve that treatment just for me, but my nose would grow. My cousins just happen to have excellent manners, and that leads to a most comfortable climate whenever anyone visits. The weather was beautiful, and I was content to enjoy the scenery during the quiet talks with my aunt. When she slept, I sat and remembered. She was my tour quide for so many years. Both of my sons have climbed mountains,thrown snowballs in August, swam in the lakes, traveled to a part of Canada, and enjoyed a cabin on a mountainside because of this sweet lady. Out of the goodness in her heart, she took us all over Seattle many, many times. When the kids were small, she very carefully orchestrated trips that would excite and entertain my boys. As the boys grew up, our trips included more cultural sidetrips that adults would enjoy. She was ever the perfect hostess. I will cherish these memories forever. My aunt made sure she stayed in contact with her Texas roots. We were never ignored as part of her family. She moved to Oregon, New York, and finally to Washington. She made sure we knew her children. As much as possible, my Aunt Ola came to Texas. While my Granny was alive, this was a scheduled, once a year trip. She made Texas a stop on her way to yet another home in Chili. It has always been an understanding that her home was open to our visits. My aunt kept our family connected, and that is no easy feat these days. This is my tribute to my aunt. She touched my life in so many ways and will continue to do so in my forever memories. I will spend the last months of her life praying that the Lord will provide whatever is necessary for her to be as painfree as possible. I am sure the Lord doesn't mind that she is legally stoned, and neither do I.

Soooo Happy

I admit it. I have been worried about my kids.......specifically, my daughter-in-law in North Carolina. My son called yesterday with excellent news concerning her cancer remission. One more 3 month check-up and she will then go to the 6 month check-up cycle. She is still in remission and I praise God for this.

I have been praying for her complete healing and so far God has said yes. I feel confident that He will say yes to my second prayer request for her and my son. I have prayed that she will live to see her children graduate from high school, go to college, get married, and have babies of their own. The blessings of being a grandmother are like no other. I pray for this blessing for all of my kids. There is such fun in being able to relax with grandchildren. To peek at the bits and pieces of DNA that came from the grandparents, parents, and the generations before that.

I look at my sons and see their fathers. They both have strong character, and I am proud to be their mom. I enjoy seeing the family resemblances from both sides of the families in my grandchildren. It's such a permanent statement for the future. My kids have have been married 10 and 5 years while Richard and I hit the big 30 this year. The time has just flown by for us.

Richard and I are at a crossroad in our lives. Do we play it safe, and make sure our children will inherit from us? Do we speculate and continue to invest in a project that may or may not produce income in 5 years when we retire? We will have to make lots of decisions this year, and I want to carefully consider what the impact will be on my children and grandchildren. Times are so unstable right now, and we are fortunate to continually be blessed. I pray that God will bless my children and grandchildren as abundantly as He has blessed us. Thank you, Lord.

Feeling Stuck

Not stuck in life, but stuck in a weird mood! I hate when I feel like this. I have lots of projects that could keep me inspired and engaged and then yield a productive result, but I choose instead to be plain lazy. I don't know if this is a mental issue or the direct result of getting on the Jenny Craig diet plan. I have always been a carb freak, seeking immediate energy, getting the job done, crashing, and starting the same cycle over the next morning. My first gear just refuses to move into second. I find myself just getting through the day.

Yes, I am taking vitamins, and getting the exercise although I could add more minutes to this area. I am just in a rut right now. I am tired of handling all of the details of life, and I find myself getting quite rebellious in my old age. It's not limited to my personal life either. I am tired of listening to people gripe over nothing, and I am tired of my neighborhood. That is nothing new. I seem to have a short attention span when it comes to houses. Husband is supportive and told me to start looking.......but since I am stuck in a rut......I have no desire to pursue this on my own.

My only joy in the daily routine of life is my prayer group. I just feel so refreshed after praying for my family and my grandchildren. I need to start a stuck in a rut prayer group. lol I imagine that God would honor this gripe session. He has broad shoulders......

I will be glad when this cloud lifts, and I can be all perky again. I like being in motion, and my general health is actually on the up swing. My thigh muscle has finally relaxed after my knee replacement, and taking on tasks that involve a step stool no longer cause me angst. I will be happier when I can do what I want to do instead of what other people want me to do. I have had to say no again to various groups, community members, and friends. I will have personal freedom again in June, and it can't get here fast enough.

I will be able to lose myself in my projects for posterity as I call them, and I am actually making my own bucket list for now. I really need to make some personal adjustments for me and only me. That is hard to do, or at least it is hard for me to do. In the meantime, I seem to float through the days, and then another week has passed and I can't seem to pinpoint anything I accomplished besides the regular woman stuff. Washing clothes and cooking meals just doesn't cut it for me. It never has. I will get out of this mood, but may need a small adventure to get there. Maybe the husband will want to take his new wheels for a mileage drive this weekend to look at some lakefront or bayfront property. That might perk me up.......

My Life-Such That It

I talked to my neighbors today. He finally took official retirement at age 70 and she has been retired for a few years now. Both are very pleasant people and easy to approach. During the conversation the mister asked me if my husband had informed me of the latest break in attempt on their home. I said no and he explained that while walking around his property, he discovered cut screens in the guest bedroom. It was comical to me as I had just ordered a new security system, and the technicians will be here tomorrow for the installation.

This house is already wired for it all, and this service has been put off for a while because we have a four legged yapper that seems to hear every outside sound that ever happens. In fact, I'm not sure if her yapping didn't interrupt the screen cutter. Whenever she goes on a rampage, I throw the bright outside lights on. Bright light would deter me from doing anything illegal if I were a burglar.

As continued talking, I explained how I have never lived anywhere and not gotten burglarized in some form or another. Sometimes it was the house and other times the cars or trucks were broken into for laptops or CDs. The times we live in seem to increase this sort of crime. I recently witnessed shoplifters stealing a huge cache of baby products. They just walked the full carts right out the door and started running to a waiting car and get away driver. The trunk was popped and loaded before the cashier could even finish reporting the crime. The car was just far away enough to make reading the plate impossible.It was almost dark outside for this well planned heist. Thieves aren't stupid, no matter what you have heard.

I reminded my husband that he had neglected to tell me the latest problems from next door, and all I heard for a moment or two was a huge groan. He'd just forgotten. I told him that the installer was coming tomorrow and he groaned again. We will probably set the alarm off accidentally until we get used to setting and disarming it. It's not that complicated. We will survive and add it to our one more thing to remember list.

I know I will sleep better knowing that a blaring sound will wake us up if we are here during a crime attempt. I will also leave the house more easily now knowing that a constable will be called if the alarm gets sounded. We have nothing of real value in this house, but a thief wouldn't know that. These are patio homes, and downsize steps for most of us. Our children took extra furniture when we moved, and any valuable items are kept in a safety deposit box or I am wearing it. Our jewelry has sentimental value only. There is nothing designer about our decor, and our technological items are so outdated it is sad. Our running joke concerns the fact that our kids already have better stuff than we do.



I really think it is sad that we have to pay someone to protect our home, but this just seems to be common practice these days. It also bugs me to have to pay a diet program to monitor my weight loss. It seems like nothing in life is free anymore and unless we pay for something, it has no value.

What a Week

First off, I just finished restaining the quarter round on my wood floors. When they were installed, I don't think the detailing was finished correctly. I could have called them, but the floors are over 3 years old now, and I had the materials from another job, so I got it done. My new EZ movers came in today, and moving furniture out of the way was very EZ. The stain has to dry for 8 hours, or I would have completed the job today.

I needed a way to get rid of all this pent up energy. I attended a HOA meeting for my subdivision and was just wired afterwards. I didn't sleep well last night, and today I couldn't get busy fast enough. The meeting was 3 hours of just plain nonsense with people who had nothing but anger towards each other. Old grudges just went on and on, and I noticed that not much business got done. I had to remind them from the gallery to just get on with it. Many of the issues had nothing to do with running a HOA. Just lots of griping about issues that aren't even covered in the deed restrictions.

We voted last month to let the board make edits and additions to our restrictions that will be correct under new laws out there. After last night, I realized why the laws had to be passed. After enduring this meeting, I was just undone. Thus, my projects got started. Hard labor tends to wear me out, and then I can rest. I could have taken a pill to relax, but decided to knock out some chores around the house.

My poor husband called today and got an earfull. He laughed it off, and said that maybe we should get more involved. Elections are in April, and I will probably throw my name in the hat. Somebody just needs to get the job done, and quit wasting everybody's time and energy.

Over coffee this morning, I discussed some issues and how to easily solve them. He'd been the past president and had stepped down due to all of the infighting. We both agreed that it is time to think about moving to another area. Unfortunately, we have 5 years until retirement and building our final home, so I am stuck for a while. Maybe bringing peace to this neighborhood will be a nice goal to have before I move on.

Valentine's Day 2012

In my world, yesterday was Valentine's Day. It is mental anguish to actually go out for a nice dinner on the actual date if it happens to fall on a week day. We already celebrated and said the I love yous. Then, to put the frosting on the cake, we exchanged cards at the coffee pot this morning. I chose a book An Older Love by Warren Hanson for my "card" this year. This author spoke to our ladies group in October, and I actually thought ahead for a change. As I read through the book last night, I identified my life with my husband in so many ways. I even understood when the author admitted to making the same mistakes over and over only to be forgiven over and over. That is what real love does.

I also understood being totally comfortable with each other. It takes years of love to not get prickly when the husband actually asks what day Valentine's is on. It helps to realize that he can't always remember to do the things he used to do as a matter of course, like minor plumbing or door knob replacement. After this last round of home repairs, it will take a handy man 2 or 3 days just to fix our fixes. I am glad I can chuckle over this as I write about it. I think the years of good stuff just sort of diminish the goof ups as we go along. Reality kicks in and we are both thankful that we can afford to fix our mistakes.

I, too, am having my last project redone by a professional. I really thought I could refinish my dining room table. I refuse to give up the black walnut wood from so long ago. After 2 weeks of stripping, sanding, finishing, resanding, refinishing, and stripping again, I gave up. My husband literally flagged a refinisher down as he left a neighbor's house. He got the bid and the guy's card. The furniture is now in the shop along with 7 other pieces. Yep, we both know how to let each other try and then call in the calvary as plan B. Older love just knows.

Early Morning Thoughts

Sometimes I get up early with my better half just to enjoy the coffee. Silly, I know, but very therapeutic for me.

Last night the younger son called to say he got his latest promotion. He is now Staff Sargent Smith. He is at the beginning of his fifth year in the Air Force, helped his wife survive cancer, and is a loving father of his stepson and his three year old. He's had a very busy five years.

It got me to thinking about my boys. I am so proud of both of them. Both boys work their hardest to provide for their families, and it makes me proud to not only be their mom but to know them as men of character. What a contrast their family atmospheres are compared to my family life when I was young.

My father was a character but not a man of character. His efforts were always selfish and self centered. He was the father of five children, and he really didn't care too much if we even had food to eat. He was a gambling man and a heavy drinker. Between the fights over money to pay bills, and wondering if there was going to be any lunch money for school, our young lives were filled with stressful situations that just created chaos in our lives.

The only normal life was provided by a really strong willed woman who somehow always made do with very little. She finally went to work when I was fourteen just to keep food on the table. Sad commentary on a life, but I know that she wasn't alone in that world. That world still exists today for thousands.

Twenty five years of teaching let me see parents in all their glory and some in their worst moments. Most of the troubled kids had one thing in common. Parents who just didn't care about anything except themselves. I will give my sons credit for always considering their family first.

That links me to my daughter-in-laws. They are both outstanding moms. Both always engage themselves in activities that lift the kids spirits and make them happy. Both are thoughtful of their kids' feelings, and that is a real self esteem builder. Both girls are blessed to have husbands who always provide for their families. This kind of security is priceless.

I know that my sons are not perfect and their wives are not perfect, but from my point of view I see them making all efforts to create a loving environment for their children without forgetting that they are a unit of two. Many discussions happen before deciding issues that will dictate a lifesyle. I see them learning together what works and what doesn't.

My husband and I used to do that when our marriage was young and every penny had to be allocated properly. I remember feeling secure just knowing that we were working together for the greater good of family. As a result of our focus, we are resting together in our young old age and five years away from retirement, kids grown, grandchildren to brag about, and the security to pursue our interests. Life has been good.

I pray for my kids, their wives, and my grandchildren every week with a prayer group and every day as needs arise. I pray for the preservation of their marriages and for them to continue to love each other as the day they met. I pray for the grandchildren to understand how much their parents love them. I pray that their parents will be the vehicle to lead them to accept Christ as their Saviour. I really want the blessing of eternal life for all of my family members.

Just finished my third cup of coffee, so time to move on......

I Tried to edit, but couldn't

I am so glad my mother

God Does Handle Details

I ;am so thankful my got to Seattle on her own steam without a family member having to make the trip to be by her side. In fact the whole trip sounded easier than when we accompanied her in these recent years. My sister made her reservation and asked for assistance.

When I went to the airport, the bags were handled curbside which is normal. The handler said to wait and a wheelchair would be brought. Presto chango, yep that fast. The baggage handler brought the receipt to my mom as she was being assisted into the chair and she was whisked into the building before I even got to hug her good-bye. I yelled bye, and then got back in my car and came home. I was just amazed. My mom is 80 years old, and the trip was going to be hard on her. The efficiency of the airlines lowered her stress levels and that of her family members.

My aunt lives in Seattle, actually, a suburb just outside of the city. Her cancer has become active again, and she is taking chemo once a week for 3 weeks, then a break, PET, and decisions based on the information. All I can do is pray for my aunt.

My mom wanted to be there for her. She had this overwhelming need to just go, and now I am glad she did. My biggest worry concerned "in the airport". I remember losing her several years ago when she went to the ladies room. She got turned around and wouldn't carry a cell phone. She still doesn't. We eventually found her, but all were totally stressed. The same thing happened at Caesar's Palace in about the same timeframe.

I actually think I have learned something from this. If my mom insists on going on another trip by air, I will request the same services for her; even if I am there. Travel is hard enough and anything that will make it easier is something to consider. I guess we can all learn something new every day.

My sister called to ask how it went and we were both pleased by the results. She never got a confirmation on the assistance request, so we were both holding our breaths. "She's in the system" were music to my ears for one more adventure in my mom's life. I always wondered how older people traveled so much. Now, I know. When I am 80, I'm going to ask for all the help I can get........

New Year's Resolution

To be quite honest, I forgot to do this on the first day of the year. I was just exhausted and in bed that day and the following. I thought my husband would make a crack or two about my laziness, but I got a nice surprise. He was sick and also as tired as I was, so we enjoyed being chair potatoes together. This is so unlike our past lifestyle. Once again, I am thankful that we don't have a deer lease to maintain. My hubby and I will hunt dove at the pecan orchard until season is over. That will be enough hunting for me.

I did get a new shotgun for Christmas. I do hope that I can enjoy shooting it. Richard went to a lot of trouble to get it sized just for my arm length. After reading the information packet, it seems like an easy gun to load and shoot. I broke lot of nails on the last two hunts because of loading and pumping and ejecting. Anyhow, I do appreciate the effort put into the gift. I really would like to learn how to hit the dove. I enjoy being out in the open for this kind of hunting.

As of today, I figured out my resolution. I am going to simplify my life. I really am going to throw things away that have been in the drawer untouched for the past year. I am really going to donate the clothes that have been unworn for the past year. I am actually going to organize my closet by outfits and colors. I used to do that when I worked because the mornings were always so rushed. Retirement seems to have relaxed me too much. Time to get efficient again.

I am not going to shop all year for Christmas. I will pass it up even if it is a good deal. I will wait for the kids to tell me exactly what they want (within reason) and then get them that. I am also going to tell the kids exactly what I want. I got some really great gifts this year because I told them what I wanted. They made the choices, and really great choices they were.

I am going to finish that hallway I started painting. I am going to finish that collage of pictures I started. I am going to clear up that last closet that seems to be a catch all. I will throw away stuff that is never going to be used again. I won't hesitate with any buts about it. I just need to clear stuff out, and then I will have room for things that just seem to sit around and pile up.

Yep, that's my resolution. I am going to simplify my life.

Merry Christmas 2011

Santa was busy last night at the Smith house. I didn't even hear him come down the chimney. Bright eyes opened more presents, and eager hands rapidly opened more surprises. My grandson was very happy that Santa delivered more age appropriate gifts than Mimi and Pops. There was much enthusiasm for the grandparent gifts, but Santa always seems to deliver that one gift that each kid thinks is a dream come true.

Dinner was delicious and everyone found at least a couple of dishes they couldn't complain about. Leftovers today seem to taste better, but it may be because it is so quiet in the house. lol My daughter-in-law has taken the kids to see her family for the day. Hopefully, they will get home in time to watch one of the movies I would love to share with my grandson.

It has been a joy having the grandchildren together for a few days. I have been blessed this year with getting to play with all of them at the same time. We made cookies and a gingerbread house. Mimi stuff that will always be remembered each time a Christmas cookie gets eaten. I think the best part about family is the hugging every time we say hello or good-by. I try to get in about 6 months of hugs and kisses, and yep, I'll be remembered for all of the super hugs someday. Not a bad legacy.

I did try to read the Christmas story to the kids, but I think the dog was the only one who paid attention. We sang Happy Birthday to Jesus, but missed the cupcakes. Mimi forgot to get that one last task done, and why I wondered. Then, I checked my list twice and couldn't find cupcakes. I am at the point in life that lists are an absolute necessity.

Hub was quite amused that he got some miniature marshmallows for one present. Today, stockings revealed the guns for the goodies. He just thought I was off my rocker.....Not true, just not quite as organized as I should have been. A marshmallow did zoom over my head as I sent pictures to my younger son in Afghanistan. We missed him, but Skype helped immensely. Just that moment on screen included him from afar. Holidays are never perfect, but all in all, most of the time was just plain fun and hopefully hold happy memories for everyone.

Anticipation

I remember being a kid and driving around the hometown with my dad looking for Santa and his reindeer on Christmas Eve night. Dad would shout he'd just seen him over a neighbor's roof, and five kids would anxiously look out the windows hoping to catch a glimpse of the jolly old elf. Little did we know that Momma was at home helping Santa deliver our presents while we chased the elusive guy all over town.

It's that feeling I have now. We've decked the halls, wrapped the presents, and started the baking in anticipation of sharing a holiday with all three grandchildren on Christmas Eve day. My older son and wife will come over and my younger son's wife is traveling from North Carolina. At lease I am hoping they began the journey today. My grandson has been sick, and I prayed for a speedy recovery for him. I also prayed that the designated driver remains healthy. My younger son is in Afghanistan, but hopefully we can connect with him through Skype.

When kids don't live in the same town or state, getting together for the holidays on the same day is a special blessing. I am really looking forward to getting a MIMI and POPS and grands picture. Kind of selfish of me, but these moments don't happen too often. We have been together for Easter and that has been nice. Christmas will be the icing on the cake of life.....

For now, I will keep busy making cookies and singing Christmas songs and waiting for our special day.....

Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night

Thanksgiving has become a step into the season for me. We headed south for short family visits while inhaling huge meals. We spent the night with Richard's mom and headed home on Saturday.

Richard left for Israel on Sunday, and I promptly developed a cold. By Wednesday I was calling the doctor and taking any appointment. Antibiotics and two other prescriptions later, I am well enough to have a sleep over with one of my grandchildren.

I wasn't as active as usual, but 3 tea parties and several wagon rides later, we did get to sleep by 10. Blondie woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 7 AM and ready for a wagon ride. Breakfast was eaten and the day started off with a bang. It was fun, and she really didn't want to leave that afternoon. Mimi went right to bed. LOL

This Thanksgiving we gave special thanks that our daughter-in-law received good results from her tests, and she is still in remission. She is a really strong woman as she takes care of her two children while her husband is deployed to Aghganistan. I imagine both are feeling the length of time of this deployment. My daughter-in-law was diagnosed during his last deployment and his time away was cut in half. This trek is the real deal and thank God, cancer won't cut it short.

He is occupying his time by taking classes. 12 hour shifts, 3 hour classes, study time, eating, and sleeping just about takes up every second of his time. That is good as time will seem to go by faster for him. We are fortunate to talk to him about every two weeks on Skype. Most of the time he sounds ok, but sometimes he seems like he is really missing home. No matter what diversions there are during service to his country, it just isn't like the routine of doing a job, coming home, and kissing the wife and kids.

We started decorating for Christmas this week. We mostly decorate for the kids and grandkids as we are more into the celebration of the birth of Christ than the tinsel. I never can remember how I decorate from year to year. One year, I will actually label the boxes and the details of how to use the decorations for the following year. I did enjoy putting topper on a real tree this year because the material reminded me of a shopping trip in North Carolina. I enjoyed putting up my ornaments from last year as well. Pictures of family members adorn my tree once again. Richard and I already remember why real trees are not the best idea. We have vacuumed several times already, but I guess the exercise is worth it.

Our outside decorations really need some work, but slowly and surely we will get them to twinkle a little better. I actually bought more lights this year, and again that is for the grandchildren's delight. One of these days we will splurge and have a light company do the honors, but this year it is up to Mimi and Pops to make the house sparkle.

The next week is filled with the end of parties and get togethers with friends. Afterwards, we look forward to many happy hours with our family.