Brain Spasms

Once again, I will prove to myself that I write to relieve stress. My lab work came back today from part of my pre-certification physical, and I have a staff infection that has to be cleared up before the surgeon will touch me. I guess that the lab work is a blessing in disguise as I am feeling fine. All other tests were perfect, and ten days of antibiotics later, surgery will proceed as scheduled unless the doctor changes his mind. By that time, I may change mine. I owe this to all of the information that is given to unsuspecting patients, so our decision will be a truly informed one.

I sat in three different settings today with people who actually looked like they needed a knee replacement. Two older gentlemen were limping and using canes to get around. Two older ladies were using walkers to move, and one woman was in a wheel chair. As the last session ended, one of the wives expressed concerns about being the care giver once her husband was home. I reassured her with my life experiences with my husband, and reminded the husband to take the pain pills as directed. Joint surgery was no time to prove how macho he was.

To be quite honest, I don't remember being very good at the care giver job, but my better half is still alive, so I must have done something right. I do recall the emergency room visit with a blood clot, and waiting out the IV cocktail to stop a clot from moving. That scared me, and that is probably why I remember it. Pain management also rings a bell because it was so drastic. I doubt that my experience will entail the same details.

We were all assured that we would be in lala land for about 24 hours after our surgeries. That part sounded fine to me. I am still of the mindset "the less I know the better." I tend to worry and what if information to death. I do have faith in my surgeon. He designed the computer technology that is going to reshape my bones for the implant. As I thought about it, I laughed at the fact that I had never intended to have metal implants. Maybe saline, but not metal. I thought about how travel would change with the security, and vowed to carry my card at all times. First thoughts tended to go the negative, and then I just stopped myself.

I have been in so much pain for so long, and hopefully this will give me the relief I desperately need. I was shell shocked because of all of the complications my husband suffered, and this skewed my thinking concerning what is best for me. Once I separated the emotion from the facts, I was ok in my decisions concerning my health. I remind myself that my husband is so much better now than he was before, and that same triumph can be mine as well. I just hope my surgery goes as planned and there are no serious complication. That's where my faith in God comes in. I pray and ask for divine guidance for everyone who will be handling me. God handles the big and little details of my life, and for that, I am truly thankful. Yep, I feel better now.