Once again, I am venting just for my own posterity. It helps. I look back at past posts and think, huh, that is just so unimportant in the real scheme of life. I wonder what triggered my desperation at the time. God is my witness, I am just a worrier. I worry when I don't understand. I worry when no one seems to be able to make me understand. Then, I wonder why I don't understand. I am a fairly intelligent person. I know spiritually that I am not supposed to worry, but I just can't help myself. I tell myself to go on about my business, and do just about anything to distract my thoughts. That results in stupid chest pains that always, always, always have been nothing more than a panic attack in the making. I now curb this anxiety with deep breathing exercises instead of pills. I have finally evolved into an almost in control person I think.
My latest debacle in life has been brought about by a business venture to round out our portfolio. In theory it was supposed to work, and be relatively self sustaining due to income from dividends already in place. The market has dictated otherwise. As a logical person, I know the market will turn in 18 to 24 months, but the trick is to hang on without losing too much of our retirement in the process.
My husband is gainfully employed and always has been. He retired once and is now working in the same capacity, but for more money. The family budget is secure. We have been able to stay even with the investment with our personal funds, but it is tiresome. I am a wizard when it comes to handling the family budget. My husband will willingly give me credit for that. What I am not a genius at is handling large sums of money and the understanding of the interest, what kind of interest, and how that interest affects my pocket book. I am learning. It costs to learn these kinds of lessons. Our accountant says thank you very much with each installment.
The saddest part of this irritation in life is that I had the resources to have avoided it all in the first place. My older son has his Masters in Business, and understands most of the ins and outs of business. It gave me comfort to talk to him last night even when he explained that this wasn't the way we should have invested. He gave me pointers on how to undo the damage, and it will work. He asked if we would be able to handle the work involved until the business was off the ground,and ironically that is the same question I asked myself at the beginning of this venture.
It is possible that I will find relief this week as we talk to bankers about a proper business loan. There is much to be learned ahead, and as long as I don't panic, I will be able to absorb and apply the knowledge.
Yep, just blog to relieve stress.........