I talked to my neighbors today. He finally took official retirement at age 70 and she has been retired for a few years now. Both are very pleasant people and easy to approach. During the conversation the mister asked me if my husband had informed me of the latest break in attempt on their home. I said no and he explained that while walking around his property, he discovered cut screens in the guest bedroom. It was comical to me as I had just ordered a new security system, and the technicians will be here tomorrow for the installation.
This house is already wired for it all, and this service has been put off for a while because we have a four legged yapper that seems to hear every outside sound that ever happens. In fact, I'm not sure if her yapping didn't interrupt the screen cutter. Whenever she goes on a rampage, I throw the bright outside lights on. Bright light would deter me from doing anything illegal if I were a burglar.
As continued talking, I explained how I have never lived anywhere and not gotten burglarized in some form or another. Sometimes it was the house and other times the cars or trucks were broken into for laptops or CDs. The times we live in seem to increase this sort of crime. I recently witnessed shoplifters stealing a huge cache of baby products. They just walked the full carts right out the door and started running to a waiting car and get away driver. The trunk was popped and loaded before the cashier could even finish reporting the crime. The car was just far away enough to make reading the plate impossible.It was almost dark outside for this well planned heist. Thieves aren't stupid, no matter what you have heard.
I reminded my husband that he had neglected to tell me the latest problems from next door, and all I heard for a moment or two was a huge groan. He'd just forgotten. I told him that the installer was coming tomorrow and he groaned again. We will probably set the alarm off accidentally until we get used to setting and disarming it. It's not that complicated. We will survive and add it to our one more thing to remember list.
I know I will sleep better knowing that a blaring sound will wake us up if we are here during a crime attempt. I will also leave the house more easily now knowing that a constable will be called if the alarm gets sounded. We have nothing of real value in this house, but a thief wouldn't know that. These are patio homes, and downsize steps for most of us. Our children took extra furniture when we moved, and any valuable items are kept in a safety deposit box or I am wearing it. Our jewelry has sentimental value only. There is nothing designer about our decor, and our technological items are so outdated it is sad. Our running joke concerns the fact that our kids already have better stuff than we do.
I really think it is sad that we have to pay someone to protect our home, but this just seems to be common practice these days. It also bugs me to have to pay a diet program to monitor my weight loss. It seems like nothing in life is free anymore and unless we pay for something, it has no value.
Showing posts with label family dynamics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family dynamics. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Friday, January 21, 2011
Prayers Answered
Once again, I have been praying for my kids' families. My younger son's wife is now in remission for her 9 month scan. I am praising the Lord for preserving that sweet family which is so precious to me. I can't imagine the anxiety before the tests, feeling good, but wondering if I would be clear. My daughter-in-laws both amaze me with their ability to handle whatever life throws at them.
I rest in the peace I get knowing that both families are in God's hands, I firmly believe if God takes you to it, He will get you through it. So many young women are getting cancer these days, and my prayers and heart goes out to them. I pray that God will bless all the people I know who are being treated for this disease. I pray specifically that God will grant them the peace that comes from faith in God at times like these.
I really don't know how unbelievers make it through the challenges of life and sometimes the life threatening diseases that are so prevalent in today's society. I will pray that all I know will find relief in their darkest hours, and that God will give them a peak at the light at the end of the tunnel.
Good news from my husband about his mom. Her hospital stay isn't over, but it is not life threatening. She will be released on Sunday, and he will come home. He has been down this road so many times with me and my mother. The hospital isn't the most exciting place to be, but our parents receive great comfort when we can be there with them. This decade of our lives will involve many hospital stays, and we have mentally geared up for these times. Many of our friends are in the same circumstances, and all have pretty much accepted the challenge of part time caregivers. In years to come we will be glad that we took the time to be there for our loved ones.
I rest in the peace I get knowing that both families are in God's hands, I firmly believe if God takes you to it, He will get you through it. So many young women are getting cancer these days, and my prayers and heart goes out to them. I pray that God will bless all the people I know who are being treated for this disease. I pray specifically that God will grant them the peace that comes from faith in God at times like these.
I really don't know how unbelievers make it through the challenges of life and sometimes the life threatening diseases that are so prevalent in today's society. I will pray that all I know will find relief in their darkest hours, and that God will give them a peak at the light at the end of the tunnel.
Good news from my husband about his mom. Her hospital stay isn't over, but it is not life threatening. She will be released on Sunday, and he will come home. He has been down this road so many times with me and my mother. The hospital isn't the most exciting place to be, but our parents receive great comfort when we can be there with them. This decade of our lives will involve many hospital stays, and we have mentally geared up for these times. Many of our friends are in the same circumstances, and all have pretty much accepted the challenge of part time caregivers. In years to come we will be glad that we took the time to be there for our loved ones.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Just a Chuckle on Aging
My favorite aunt turned 76 this year, so I sent her a card wishing her a happy 75Th. She informed me last year that she'd had her last birthday. As a baby boomer who turned 60 this year, I completely understand, and I too have endured my last age recognition birth date.
Never ask a women her age used to be the standard rule for good manners, and I am in favor of taking a stand for this rule and applying to my life from this year forward. In twenty years, I think I would rather have people comment that I sure look poorly for a 60 year old instead of commenting you can tell she's 80, bless her heart. I admit that I have a weird way of thinking, but I would rather retort, that's because I am really 80 instead of the polite "and I feel it or and I have earned every one of these gray hairs." I doubt seriously if there will be any gray hairs during this decade either, but one never knows. I might up and decide that I don't mind looking my age and regard my life as a triumph of sorts. I doubt that too.
Never ask a women her age used to be the standard rule for good manners, and I am in favor of taking a stand for this rule and applying to my life from this year forward. In twenty years, I think I would rather have people comment that I sure look poorly for a 60 year old instead of commenting you can tell she's 80, bless her heart. I admit that I have a weird way of thinking, but I would rather retort, that's because I am really 80 instead of the polite "and I feel it or and I have earned every one of these gray hairs." I doubt seriously if there will be any gray hairs during this decade either, but one never knows. I might up and decide that I don't mind looking my age and regard my life as a triumph of sorts. I doubt that too.
Writing to Relieve Stress
Once again, I am venting just for my own posterity. It helps. I look back at past posts and think, huh, that is just so unimportant in the real scheme of life. I wonder what triggered my desperation at the time. God is my witness, I am just a worrier. I worry when I don't understand. I worry when no one seems to be able to make me understand. Then, I wonder why I don't understand. I am a fairly intelligent person. I know spiritually that I am not supposed to worry, but I just can't help myself. I tell myself to go on about my business, and do just about anything to distract my thoughts. That results in stupid chest pains that always, always, always have been nothing more than a panic attack in the making. I now curb this anxiety with deep breathing exercises instead of pills. I have finally evolved into an almost in control person I think.
My latest debacle in life has been brought about by a business venture to round out our portfolio. In theory it was supposed to work, and be relatively self sustaining due to income from dividends already in place. The market has dictated otherwise. As a logical person, I know the market will turn in 18 to 24 months, but the trick is to hang on without losing too much of our retirement in the process.
My husband is gainfully employed and always has been. He retired once and is now working in the same capacity, but for more money. The family budget is secure. We have been able to stay even with the investment with our personal funds, but it is tiresome. I am a wizard when it comes to handling the family budget. My husband will willingly give me credit for that. What I am not a genius at is handling large sums of money and the understanding of the interest, what kind of interest, and how that interest affects my pocket book. I am learning. It costs to learn these kinds of lessons. Our accountant says thank you very much with each installment.
The saddest part of this irritation in life is that I had the resources to have avoided it all in the first place. My older son has his Masters in Business, and understands most of the ins and outs of business. It gave me comfort to talk to him last night even when he explained that this wasn't the way we should have invested. He gave me pointers on how to undo the damage, and it will work. He asked if we would be able to handle the work involved until the business was off the ground,and ironically that is the same question I asked myself at the beginning of this venture.
It is possible that I will find relief this week as we talk to bankers about a proper business loan. There is much to be learned ahead, and as long as I don't panic, I will be able to absorb and apply the knowledge.
Yep, just blog to relieve stress.........
My latest debacle in life has been brought about by a business venture to round out our portfolio. In theory it was supposed to work, and be relatively self sustaining due to income from dividends already in place. The market has dictated otherwise. As a logical person, I know the market will turn in 18 to 24 months, but the trick is to hang on without losing too much of our retirement in the process.
My husband is gainfully employed and always has been. He retired once and is now working in the same capacity, but for more money. The family budget is secure. We have been able to stay even with the investment with our personal funds, but it is tiresome. I am a wizard when it comes to handling the family budget. My husband will willingly give me credit for that. What I am not a genius at is handling large sums of money and the understanding of the interest, what kind of interest, and how that interest affects my pocket book. I am learning. It costs to learn these kinds of lessons. Our accountant says thank you very much with each installment.
The saddest part of this irritation in life is that I had the resources to have avoided it all in the first place. My older son has his Masters in Business, and understands most of the ins and outs of business. It gave me comfort to talk to him last night even when he explained that this wasn't the way we should have invested. He gave me pointers on how to undo the damage, and it will work. He asked if we would be able to handle the work involved until the business was off the ground,and ironically that is the same question I asked myself at the beginning of this venture.
It is possible that I will find relief this week as we talk to bankers about a proper business loan. There is much to be learned ahead, and as long as I don't panic, I will be able to absorb and apply the knowledge.
Yep, just blog to relieve stress.........
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
No More Stuff
I Facebooked that there isn't enough Crown in the world for the life collections that are now relocated in our garage. I read that Americans are the only people who store crap in their garages while the 30K+ vehicles sit out in the weather. We are now officially a part of that subculture. It is all I can do to walk into the garage these days.
On one brave trip through, I noticed a box of stuffed animals and huge dinosaur puppets. Just what two, over the hill, almost retired people need for amusement in their golden years!!! Never fear, I think a garage sale is in the future. I hate garage sales, having them verses going to them. I am often sidetracked by a sign or two.
I could also go through each box and then wonder why this or that was saved in the first place. I will just become frustrated if I do that, at least in this busy month.
About February I will tire of getting out in the rain to run errands and begin the job of sorting. Who knows, I might find some treasures........
On one brave trip through, I noticed a box of stuffed animals and huge dinosaur puppets. Just what two, over the hill, almost retired people need for amusement in their golden years!!! Never fear, I think a garage sale is in the future. I hate garage sales, having them verses going to them. I am often sidetracked by a sign or two.
I could also go through each box and then wonder why this or that was saved in the first place. I will just become frustrated if I do that, at least in this busy month.
About February I will tire of getting out in the rain to run errands and begin the job of sorting. Who knows, I might find some treasures........
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Mom, You Haven't Changed in Twenty Years
Words from my younger son, now twenty three and referencing a DVD I had made for him for Christmas, brought a smile to my face. Clarification is needed here. All their lives the boys have heard,"Smile, smile for the camera. We are going to keep doing this until you smile for me." Guess that memory was repeated a time or two by this cameraman. I am really trying to get rid of the old technology in the house. Clearing out old tapes and VHS recordings will give me a lot of drawer room in most of my house. DVDs of the school plays and field trips weren't the only memories mailed.
I also made wreaths for the boys using the ornaments of their childhoods. I have changed my focus on my Christmas tree and will no longer hang the standard globes and ornaments, unless of course my grandchildren make something special for me. Framed pictures of life with my kids and their kids and friends make up the ornaments from now on. I have the memorable ornaments on a wreath or two for our family, and they hang beautifully in the French doors. I get the same warm fuzzy feelings when I look at the wreaths with about zero effort. My older son spent a while tracking down his very first ornament Christmas evening. It seems his two year old thought the ornament was wonderful enough to snatch and hide in her room. I am sure the boys both thought back to their youthful arguments about whose special stuffed ornament was going to top the tree. I remember one year putting my angel on top and their two on the next branch down exactly the same distance from the angel. I think the older actually got a ruler to make sure.
I am still going through boxes and making hard decisions to just get rid of the contents. I found two Justin boot boxes full of all of the cards I have ever gotten from friends, family, and extended family. I haven't a clue as to why I saved them. I used to recycle Christmas cards into tags the following year, but used the last of them this year. I actually felt good about my little efforts to keep it green. My family has laughed at me for years for my ideologies, but it doesn't matter. I just feel better recycling.
The older son is hunting birds this weekend, and I think my husband decided to join him. Son explained that the birds were just more fun, and I agree. I never could take the confinement of a deer stand, but loved roaming the fields with the boys when they were young. Now, if I could convince my boys to want to fish and invest in the boats and all that, I would truly be happy. I fear that I will always be caught wishing and hoping my wants, not needs, wants. The younger son will always hunt with his dad, and the older son will always fish off the coast of Florida with his dad.
I get to stay home and write about it.
One never knows what the future will bring, and that is why I hold on to the past and try to pass those memories forward. The boys are going to get another memory made by their great grandmother for us when we were young adults. Hopefully, their wives will make sure the items are cherished and passed down again. It was hard to pass their baby blankets down, but I really enjoy seeing them being used for yet another generation. Warm fuzzes and all that!
I also made wreaths for the boys using the ornaments of their childhoods. I have changed my focus on my Christmas tree and will no longer hang the standard globes and ornaments, unless of course my grandchildren make something special for me. Framed pictures of life with my kids and their kids and friends make up the ornaments from now on. I have the memorable ornaments on a wreath or two for our family, and they hang beautifully in the French doors. I get the same warm fuzzy feelings when I look at the wreaths with about zero effort. My older son spent a while tracking down his very first ornament Christmas evening. It seems his two year old thought the ornament was wonderful enough to snatch and hide in her room. I am sure the boys both thought back to their youthful arguments about whose special stuffed ornament was going to top the tree. I remember one year putting my angel on top and their two on the next branch down exactly the same distance from the angel. I think the older actually got a ruler to make sure.
I am still going through boxes and making hard decisions to just get rid of the contents. I found two Justin boot boxes full of all of the cards I have ever gotten from friends, family, and extended family. I haven't a clue as to why I saved them. I used to recycle Christmas cards into tags the following year, but used the last of them this year. I actually felt good about my little efforts to keep it green. My family has laughed at me for years for my ideologies, but it doesn't matter. I just feel better recycling.
The older son is hunting birds this weekend, and I think my husband decided to join him. Son explained that the birds were just more fun, and I agree. I never could take the confinement of a deer stand, but loved roaming the fields with the boys when they were young. Now, if I could convince my boys to want to fish and invest in the boats and all that, I would truly be happy. I fear that I will always be caught wishing and hoping my wants, not needs, wants. The younger son will always hunt with his dad, and the older son will always fish off the coast of Florida with his dad.
I get to stay home and write about it.
One never knows what the future will bring, and that is why I hold on to the past and try to pass those memories forward. The boys are going to get another memory made by their great grandmother for us when we were young adults. Hopefully, their wives will make sure the items are cherished and passed down again. It was hard to pass their baby blankets down, but I really enjoy seeing them being used for yet another generation. Warm fuzzes and all that!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Eighty
My mom will be eighty this coming year, and party plans are already in place. Brother will host the celebration at his house, and siblings will follow up with a not as glamorous as Vegas trip to Coushautta. Vegas was on the agenda until mom called it quits. She just can't make the trips anymore. Leg strength is limited to short times of standing, and to be quite honest, we lost her a couple of times on our last trip to sin city. It only took two trips to the ladies room for entourage to become the new word for the trip.
I've been thinking about age and relevance to health. I fear that I won't be in good shape when I hit 80. My mom could run circles around me at 60. She was keeping up with her kids, ranging in age from 39 to 33. We kept her hopping with all kinds of activities because we were constantly camping, or skiing, or traveling. She used to keep a calendar and keep us updated on what we were all doing. She wanted to be a part of all the fun times, and conflicts on the calendar just wouldn't do.
It will be fun to celebrate the platinum years of life with her. The golden years were a blast, but we are all slowing down. Mom's biggest sins in life have been loving too much and smoking. The love hasn't hurt her, but the smoking has taken its toll. It's the love that will bring us together as a family. We will laugh a lot, and act stupid, and compete for her attention just as we have always done. Hopefully, her few living friends will show up, and we can all remember when. We may even get some great family shots that will last a lifetime yet to come for her aging children.
I've been thinking about age and relevance to health. I fear that I won't be in good shape when I hit 80. My mom could run circles around me at 60. She was keeping up with her kids, ranging in age from 39 to 33. We kept her hopping with all kinds of activities because we were constantly camping, or skiing, or traveling. She used to keep a calendar and keep us updated on what we were all doing. She wanted to be a part of all the fun times, and conflicts on the calendar just wouldn't do.
It will be fun to celebrate the platinum years of life with her. The golden years were a blast, but we are all slowing down. Mom's biggest sins in life have been loving too much and smoking. The love hasn't hurt her, but the smoking has taken its toll. It's the love that will bring us together as a family. We will laugh a lot, and act stupid, and compete for her attention just as we have always done. Hopefully, her few living friends will show up, and we can all remember when. We may even get some great family shots that will last a lifetime yet to come for her aging children.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Night!
What a fun filled day! Up early to finish dishes to take to my older son's home. We wanted to be there for Santa and opening all of the presents. During the flurry of paper and ribbon, I thought about my younger son in NC going through the same motions. At about the same time we were all giggling and laughing and attempting to contain the mountain of garbage this season brings with it.
I thought about my young years and the glad feelings a special doll or toy brought to five youngsters clammering for presents. I know that my two year old granddaughters won't remember these years, but I will. I know my ten year old grandson will remember the year Mimi and Pops gave him the basketball hoop. He loves to play hoops, and as I recall from a couple of years ago, is darn good at it. I hope it becomes a passion for him. Passion makes a person try harder, if for no other reason than to say I did that. Everyone needs personal moments of triumph whether they are on the basketball court or on the driveway at home.
I will rest tomorrow. I will go to church and thank the Lord that I am blessed abundantly. I will pray for my children and their children. My husband will do what he does best, and that is go hunting. I imagine he says a prayer or two for our kids while alone in his stand. My older son will accompany him and they will have a great time. The older son is already planning next Thanksgiving at the lease. If it comes to fruition, the fair will consist of BBQ and the fixings instead of the traditional fair of turkey. It could happen.
For now I reflect on what a great life I have. God continues to show his love for me and my family each and every day. He is a much better God than I am a servant. He is also a patient God, and I know He will wait for me to do His will. I imagine that I will be humming Christmas tunes for about another week. Christmas songs just make me smile, and the smiles just make me feel good at the end of the day. Thanks, Lord.
I thought about my young years and the glad feelings a special doll or toy brought to five youngsters clammering for presents. I know that my two year old granddaughters won't remember these years, but I will. I know my ten year old grandson will remember the year Mimi and Pops gave him the basketball hoop. He loves to play hoops, and as I recall from a couple of years ago, is darn good at it. I hope it becomes a passion for him. Passion makes a person try harder, if for no other reason than to say I did that. Everyone needs personal moments of triumph whether they are on the basketball court or on the driveway at home.
I will rest tomorrow. I will go to church and thank the Lord that I am blessed abundantly. I will pray for my children and their children. My husband will do what he does best, and that is go hunting. I imagine he says a prayer or two for our kids while alone in his stand. My older son will accompany him and they will have a great time. The older son is already planning next Thanksgiving at the lease. If it comes to fruition, the fair will consist of BBQ and the fixings instead of the traditional fair of turkey. It could happen.
For now I reflect on what a great life I have. God continues to show his love for me and my family each and every day. He is a much better God than I am a servant. He is also a patient God, and I know He will wait for me to do His will. I imagine that I will be humming Christmas tunes for about another week. Christmas songs just make me smile, and the smiles just make me feel good at the end of the day. Thanks, Lord.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Wrapping Up Another Year
New Year's resolutions came early or late this year, depending on one's perspective. This decade of life brings new challenges everyday, and I just need change. To end my year, I decided to plan activities that I want to do, and if Richard doesn't want to accompany me, that is fine. I am fortunate to have a cousin who lives nearby, and is a whirlwind of energy. She is available for any outing, so planning has been fun.
Now that the kids are grown with families and lives of their own, I just got out of the habit of doing things that just make me smile afterwards. This Christmas season, I changed my strategy.
I went to the deer lease (to please my husband) for three weekends in a row. I am finished until next year. I accepted every invitation for holiday fun in this area, and am still smiling because of my "new" attitude. For almost thirty years, I have tried to please everyone except myself. It can't be done, and I end up totally frustrated. Lose-lose situation.
I have accepted the fact that I can go it alone or in the company of friends. My constant companion does not have to be my husband. We have several hobbies in common and that is enough. We don't have to be joined at the hip. I have never enjoyed the hunting hobby and probably never will. I am thankful that my boys like this pasttime, but I am more thankful that I have daughter-in-laws who like to shop. I am learning a lot from them. I am pursuing my own interests and because of this, I am just happier. I am also trying to not get caught up in the last minute details that do nothing more than make me ask myself. Why did I do that? It wasn't necessary and noone really appreciated it anyway. My daughter-in-laws are so together with this concept. Their family comes first, then the rest of the world. Much healthier way to deal with the holiday season. Two more candlelight events ahead with or without the husband and a smiling wife at the end of the season. My kind of fun helps me remember that Jesus is the reason for the season, and that just widens my smile.
Now that the kids are grown with families and lives of their own, I just got out of the habit of doing things that just make me smile afterwards. This Christmas season, I changed my strategy.
I went to the deer lease (to please my husband) for three weekends in a row. I am finished until next year. I accepted every invitation for holiday fun in this area, and am still smiling because of my "new" attitude. For almost thirty years, I have tried to please everyone except myself. It can't be done, and I end up totally frustrated. Lose-lose situation.
I have accepted the fact that I can go it alone or in the company of friends. My constant companion does not have to be my husband. We have several hobbies in common and that is enough. We don't have to be joined at the hip. I have never enjoyed the hunting hobby and probably never will. I am thankful that my boys like this pasttime, but I am more thankful that I have daughter-in-laws who like to shop. I am learning a lot from them. I am pursuing my own interests and because of this, I am just happier. I am also trying to not get caught up in the last minute details that do nothing more than make me ask myself. Why did I do that? It wasn't necessary and noone really appreciated it anyway. My daughter-in-laws are so together with this concept. Their family comes first, then the rest of the world. Much healthier way to deal with the holiday season. Two more candlelight events ahead with or without the husband and a smiling wife at the end of the season. My kind of fun helps me remember that Jesus is the reason for the season, and that just widens my smile.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
'Tis The Season
The realization that 60 is now real hit me at a party this weekend when a fellow high school graduate confessed the 61 and the mental impossibility of it all. I agreed. Where did the years go? When did the kids become adults and why didn't I pay more attention?
As soul mates for four hours, we discussed our high school years and the foibles of those times. We discussed long lost friends, who died too young, and before we got to say hello again. I think we cried a tear or two while the party revelers were doing their things.
Discussion turned to retirement homes, and I felt pangs of jealousy as she described their retirement home being built for now and later enjoyment. I got to thinking about where I want to be during the retirement years. I know a lot of places where I don't want to spend my golden years, but to be honest, I really haven't found "the golden place." I think I know what I want, but as my history of houses would prove, I always end up changing my mind.
I have almost decided that life will guide us to our last home. I understand why my friend has chosen her spot. Her kids and grandchildren are there. I have several friends who have retired closer to their kids. Our motivation will probably be similar. It just isn't happening now. We have become city folk and enjoy all that is available or just thirty minutes away.
As I finished decking the halls for Christmas once again, I really had to push my mind to just do it. One son lives out of state for this holiday, and we will spend Christmas day with the other at his home. Friends drop by and the atmosphere is pleasant, but it is our conversation and sharing that is important to us. I imagine that God has a great place in mind for Richard and me, but as of today it is right where we are, and I am thankful for all his blessings.
As soul mates for four hours, we discussed our high school years and the foibles of those times. We discussed long lost friends, who died too young, and before we got to say hello again. I think we cried a tear or two while the party revelers were doing their things.
Discussion turned to retirement homes, and I felt pangs of jealousy as she described their retirement home being built for now and later enjoyment. I got to thinking about where I want to be during the retirement years. I know a lot of places where I don't want to spend my golden years, but to be honest, I really haven't found "the golden place." I think I know what I want, but as my history of houses would prove, I always end up changing my mind.
I have almost decided that life will guide us to our last home. I understand why my friend has chosen her spot. Her kids and grandchildren are there. I have several friends who have retired closer to their kids. Our motivation will probably be similar. It just isn't happening now. We have become city folk and enjoy all that is available or just thirty minutes away.
As I finished decking the halls for Christmas once again, I really had to push my mind to just do it. One son lives out of state for this holiday, and we will spend Christmas day with the other at his home. Friends drop by and the atmosphere is pleasant, but it is our conversation and sharing that is important to us. I imagine that God has a great place in mind for Richard and me, but as of today it is right where we are, and I am thankful for all his blessings.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
It's Time for How Many Tests?
Thank God that my biopsy was benign! However, the last follow-up for stitches removal included being sent back to the vampires for more blood work. Orders were through the dermatologist and my primary physician, and after consulting with my knee surgeon. I'm hoping that the bruising on my legs was just a fluke, and all tests come back negative. I really didn't know that so many vials could be taken without it being considered a blood donation.
The word stroke keeps coming up, and it perplexes me. I do know that my husband developed a clot after all of the blood thinner shots, and he had a really close call. I keep mentally measuring my pain, but then it goes away. As I recall, my husband's pain just never went away and became intolerable. We hit the emergency room with 20 minutes to spare. God's hand was definitely in that rescue.
Hoping the Lord feels that my work isn't done yet and extends me the same courtesy for a longer life. One never knows. I would like to enjoy my grands until they are grown, and I would like to harvest a few pecans before I die. Current goals for the pecans are subject to change according to the husband's enthusiasm, but so far we are on course.
I have researched until I am just tired of all the possibles out there. Once again, I am just turning this over to the Lord. He is in control, and He will get me through the details as always. Just hope the main idea isn't too scary. I am such a wuss.
The word stroke keeps coming up, and it perplexes me. I do know that my husband developed a clot after all of the blood thinner shots, and he had a really close call. I keep mentally measuring my pain, but then it goes away. As I recall, my husband's pain just never went away and became intolerable. We hit the emergency room with 20 minutes to spare. God's hand was definitely in that rescue.
Hoping the Lord feels that my work isn't done yet and extends me the same courtesy for a longer life. One never knows. I would like to enjoy my grands until they are grown, and I would like to harvest a few pecans before I die. Current goals for the pecans are subject to change according to the husband's enthusiasm, but so far we are on course.
I have researched until I am just tired of all the possibles out there. Once again, I am just turning this over to the Lord. He is in control, and He will get me through the details as always. Just hope the main idea isn't too scary. I am such a wuss.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Wondering or Worrying-That is the Question
Yesterday, the dermatologist surprised me by not giving me the prednisone I thought I needed. Instead, he took a plug for biopsy from my leg and sent me straight to the lab for an EKG. While discussing his concerns, he kept staring into my eyes. I finally asked why he was so intent on my eyes, and he said he was watching my pupil response.
Thankfully, the EKG came back normal, and I don't have to cancel my trip this weekend with the hub. I would have been very disappointed, but Richard said he would cancel also, if anything serious had landed me in the hospital. The tests and blood didn't bother me as much as the family history questions. I spent about two hours researching everything from lupus to leukemia to cardiovascular diseases. I decided that I just need to wait for the diagnosis and pray that it is something simple like a medicine reaction.
I have reacted to medicines before after taking them for extended periods of time, so hopefully that is all I will have to contend with when we get back. It really messes up my pool time on this trip. I will have to check to make sure no one is at the pool when I partake of my favorite activity, swimming. My legs look like someone took a ball peen hammer to them. It is not very pretty. When I asked the hub if these beauty marks were going to be an issue for our getaway, he just laughed. I guess that is a good sign.
Now, I have to force myself to put this all aside until I hear back from the doctors, be happy that I wasn't in heart attack mode, and enjoy the rest of the week. The doc said to refrain from doing anything strenuous for a couple of days. I can do that!
Thankfully, the EKG came back normal, and I don't have to cancel my trip this weekend with the hub. I would have been very disappointed, but Richard said he would cancel also, if anything serious had landed me in the hospital. The tests and blood didn't bother me as much as the family history questions. I spent about two hours researching everything from lupus to leukemia to cardiovascular diseases. I decided that I just need to wait for the diagnosis and pray that it is something simple like a medicine reaction.
I have reacted to medicines before after taking them for extended periods of time, so hopefully that is all I will have to contend with when we get back. It really messes up my pool time on this trip. I will have to check to make sure no one is at the pool when I partake of my favorite activity, swimming. My legs look like someone took a ball peen hammer to them. It is not very pretty. When I asked the hub if these beauty marks were going to be an issue for our getaway, he just laughed. I guess that is a good sign.
Now, I have to force myself to put this all aside until I hear back from the doctors, be happy that I wasn't in heart attack mode, and enjoy the rest of the week. The doc said to refrain from doing anything strenuous for a couple of days. I can do that!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Missing My NC Family
Normally, my thoughts for the day would be ones with forward thinking involved. Today, I am feeling melancholy because my husband is where I would love to be. He was on business in Virginia, and that made a side trip to NC possible. Not only is he getting to see the younger son and family this evening, but the trip south included some gorgeous fall foliage to boot. Jealous is truly the word to describe my feelings of just a few seconds ago.
Then, the better half called and said to check my phone for the latest pics. His visit will be a too short one because he booked a 6 am flight instead of the usual 6 pm. He wasn't a happy camper. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't go on this trip. I would be quite frustrated at being pulled away too quickly from happy moments in my life. Spoiled is another word to describe me.
I did spend the day getting ready for our next together trip to Arizona. Spent the morning googling the hiking in the area, and looked for touristy stuff to do while the hub is at meetings. I finished the morning with shopping for the trip. I don't imagine the days will be cooler than here, but the evenings will be cool because of the mountains. I am on a wear out what I have mission this year, partly because I am still losing weight and don't want to renew my wardrobe until I reach my goal. I was able to add to some of my current outfits and hit some deals on shoes and purses. Guess I am set. Hub will be thrilled to see less than baggage size purses for a change. Yep, he notices my "bags."
Really glad the hub called and sent pics. The kids are growing just too fast, or it just seems like it because our trips are months apart instead of weekly. I need to take time right this minute and thank God that we are so blessed to be able to travel back and forth as much as we can each year. I know many people who are fortunate to see their loved ones once a year. My husband and I are truly blessed.
Then, the better half called and said to check my phone for the latest pics. His visit will be a too short one because he booked a 6 am flight instead of the usual 6 pm. He wasn't a happy camper. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't go on this trip. I would be quite frustrated at being pulled away too quickly from happy moments in my life. Spoiled is another word to describe me.
I did spend the day getting ready for our next together trip to Arizona. Spent the morning googling the hiking in the area, and looked for touristy stuff to do while the hub is at meetings. I finished the morning with shopping for the trip. I don't imagine the days will be cooler than here, but the evenings will be cool because of the mountains. I am on a wear out what I have mission this year, partly because I am still losing weight and don't want to renew my wardrobe until I reach my goal. I was able to add to some of my current outfits and hit some deals on shoes and purses. Guess I am set. Hub will be thrilled to see less than baggage size purses for a change. Yep, he notices my "bags."
Really glad the hub called and sent pics. The kids are growing just too fast, or it just seems like it because our trips are months apart instead of weekly. I need to take time right this minute and thank God that we are so blessed to be able to travel back and forth as much as we can each year. I know many people who are fortunate to see their loved ones once a year. My husband and I are truly blessed.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Fall Festivals
Fall Festivals are everywhere these days, and they provide a safe trick or treat envirionment for kids and their parents. Today I got to accompany Kamryn aka the Bumblebee to the local library for a party. The party was cute and Kam enjoyed watching and then finishing all by herself at the lego table in the children's book section.
I lured her back to the party with a cookie and ghost sucker. She was adorable in her outfit, and should enjoy dressing up like a bee for a couple of years to come. Dress up is always fun starting about 3 when little ones find out they can dress themselves about 10 times a day, if I remember correctly.
I got cute cell phone pics of my Reagan in her Cinderella outfit. She has been wearing it for a while. Still waiting to see what Jonathan dresses as, but I do remember a Darth Vador outfit that was very impressive.
Hopefully, Kamryn will enjoy the Fall Festival at my church on Saturday. There will be rides and cake walks and hayrides. Should be fun. Probably more fun for Mimi than Kam, but one day we can laugh together over our antics. Must remind Richard to take pics of the brunettes this week while he visits. Have to have memories of all of my pumpkins.
I lured her back to the party with a cookie and ghost sucker. She was adorable in her outfit, and should enjoy dressing up like a bee for a couple of years to come. Dress up is always fun starting about 3 when little ones find out they can dress themselves about 10 times a day, if I remember correctly.
I got cute cell phone pics of my Reagan in her Cinderella outfit. She has been wearing it for a while. Still waiting to see what Jonathan dresses as, but I do remember a Darth Vador outfit that was very impressive.
Hopefully, Kamryn will enjoy the Fall Festival at my church on Saturday. There will be rides and cake walks and hayrides. Should be fun. Probably more fun for Mimi than Kam, but one day we can laugh together over our antics. Must remind Richard to take pics of the brunettes this week while he visits. Have to have memories of all of my pumpkins.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
What I Have Learned From My Mom
After a turn around trip to Victoria, lunch with my mom and brother, and a follow-up visit to the doctor, I am happy to report that my mom is in stable condition one more time. Good doctor has given her some samples to help with the cholesterol and upped her blood pressure medicine to twice a day. She has plaque build up in one carotid artery and in one of her legs.
She must continue to stay on her diabetic diet and routine if she is to have quality of life. When it came time to write the check, she wrote $20212.34 instead of $212.34. I was there to help her void one and then write a correct check amount. I earned my daughter wages that day.
Mom is almost 80, and until this year has always bounced back with her mental abilities acute. Brother and I talked to her about going to a progressive nursing home, where she would be so much happier, but she refuses to budge. She is going to die in her home in her sleep. I pray that she is right. One family member or another checks in on her every day, but the living alone has really become an issue. I outfitted her with the emergency necklace and a maid once a month because that's all she wants. After this last spell, I will be more diligent about going to the doctor with her. After these last two weeks, I have determined that she hears what she wants to hear, and just plain refuses to follow orders when she gets tired of the routine. I have learned that stubbornness can kill.
After the last month of family issues and my involvement because my mom put me there the last time she thought she was going to die, I have learned that I must just move forward with my goals for my life. If I leave family members behind, I will have no regrets. For almost forty years, I have bent over backwards to keep everyone happy, and equal, and at peace. It's never going to happen. After smoothing issues just two weeks ago, I return to find another explosion within the perimeters known as family.
I have determined that all of the issues have one thing in common. The family members involved have turned their backs on God, and now in desperate times, God is ignoring them or judging them or punishing them. We, as fellow human beings, are just limited to solving life's problems without God's intervention.
As a child of God, I had to be broken completely before I finally understood to focus on God first in all aspects of my life. Some people just need to be broken or emptied of hope before they can be fixed. God is ultimately the only one who can fix broken people. I took some legal actions to insure that my immediate family will not become embroiled with family matters set in motion by my mom. Certain responsibilities have been turned over to the most logical family member.
I have a year of reprieve before the reality of my actions become family knowledge, but I will deal with that anger a year from now. Why not have one less year of the verbage and hard feelings? Simply keeping my mouth shut will give me pleasant visits with my mom. That is my heart's desire. I would like our last years of conversations to be pleasant. I want to look forward to my visits to my home town. After mom passes, the family dynamics will change dramatically. I won't want to spend any lengthy amounts of time with people who have removed themselves from God's fellowship. I will write hard letters this Christmas more or less advising the people I love to run to God because God is the only one who can help them. Until there is a heart change for God, then the skirmishes will continue on the homefront. Frankly, I am tired of it. Nothing ever changes when people try to fix problems without God in the equation. I plan to tell my loved ones just this. I can't fix their problems anymore, but God can.
She must continue to stay on her diabetic diet and routine if she is to have quality of life. When it came time to write the check, she wrote $20212.34 instead of $212.34. I was there to help her void one and then write a correct check amount. I earned my daughter wages that day.
Mom is almost 80, and until this year has always bounced back with her mental abilities acute. Brother and I talked to her about going to a progressive nursing home, where she would be so much happier, but she refuses to budge. She is going to die in her home in her sleep. I pray that she is right. One family member or another checks in on her every day, but the living alone has really become an issue. I outfitted her with the emergency necklace and a maid once a month because that's all she wants. After this last spell, I will be more diligent about going to the doctor with her. After these last two weeks, I have determined that she hears what she wants to hear, and just plain refuses to follow orders when she gets tired of the routine. I have learned that stubbornness can kill.
After the last month of family issues and my involvement because my mom put me there the last time she thought she was going to die, I have learned that I must just move forward with my goals for my life. If I leave family members behind, I will have no regrets. For almost forty years, I have bent over backwards to keep everyone happy, and equal, and at peace. It's never going to happen. After smoothing issues just two weeks ago, I return to find another explosion within the perimeters known as family.
I have determined that all of the issues have one thing in common. The family members involved have turned their backs on God, and now in desperate times, God is ignoring them or judging them or punishing them. We, as fellow human beings, are just limited to solving life's problems without God's intervention.
As a child of God, I had to be broken completely before I finally understood to focus on God first in all aspects of my life. Some people just need to be broken or emptied of hope before they can be fixed. God is ultimately the only one who can fix broken people. I took some legal actions to insure that my immediate family will not become embroiled with family matters set in motion by my mom. Certain responsibilities have been turned over to the most logical family member.
I have a year of reprieve before the reality of my actions become family knowledge, but I will deal with that anger a year from now. Why not have one less year of the verbage and hard feelings? Simply keeping my mouth shut will give me pleasant visits with my mom. That is my heart's desire. I would like our last years of conversations to be pleasant. I want to look forward to my visits to my home town. After mom passes, the family dynamics will change dramatically. I won't want to spend any lengthy amounts of time with people who have removed themselves from God's fellowship. I will write hard letters this Christmas more or less advising the people I love to run to God because God is the only one who can help them. Until there is a heart change for God, then the skirmishes will continue on the homefront. Frankly, I am tired of it. Nothing ever changes when people try to fix problems without God in the equation. I plan to tell my loved ones just this. I can't fix their problems anymore, but God can.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Out with the Old.....
Recently, several emotional events have convinced me that I must make some life changes although not serious, but details that keep getting in the way of my personal happiness. Many of the details deal with family and friends who have created paradoxes in my life. I was moving along at my usual pace, wondering what the heck was wrong with me physically. I searched various medical entities and the solutions were there.
After a miriad of tests, results of said led to fairly simple solutions. These solutions have relieved me of all anxiety medicines and sleep aids except for the occasional prescription as needed. It has become abundantly clear to me that I must simplify my life. I must prioritize and make lists according to importance. Some of the decisions that followed have resulted in anger from my family, but it is ok. Somewhere in my REM, I sort out the issues and resolve them instead of letting them fester and attack me until I crash.
I have been a giver so long that at age 60, this compliance was really taking its toll on my health. I mentally had to let go and say goodbye to circumstances I accepted years ago. I can no longer comply or respond to certain issues in my life. I have to let them go. I have to take the chance that I will be fine without distractions that keep me in turmoil. It's not easy, as I am the emotional sort who has thrived on confusion. No longer. Family and personal problems have forced me to take a stand for myself.
I am convinced that the Lord is coming for his church soon. The rapture is near, and my service to the Lord will be concluded upon this earth. I am pulled to pray diligently for my children and grandchildren. I pray that they too will be taken away in a blink of an eye, but what about the rest of my family and my loved ones. I can't live their lives for them. I can't change the reality of being saved or not being saved. All I can do is present the gospel to them and hope that my prayers for their salvation will be answered.
I will have to send hard letters this year, and just say goodbye. I look around and I am constantly reminded that I am to be in the world and not of it. Over and over I can see where life has just ravished people around me. These same people have gotten so far away from the Lord that their worlds just seem to keep tumbling out of control.
I am choosing to stop worrying about everyone else, and concentrate on me. What makes me happy? Worshipping God, my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my family, and my friends. In that order....no exceptions. What can I do to balance me? Let go of the past. It is over. Today works and lets me dream of tomorrow. If my actions destroy relationships I have carefully kept cultivated for decades, so be it. The Holy Spirit is just compelling me to take a stand for my Lord. No more diplomacy or good manners or tickling the ears of those I love, just to keep the status quo and peace. I will rise from the ashes of my losses to new beginnings and new focuses. My number one focus will be on the Lord, and He will bless me as He always has; even when I was so undeserving. I thank God that He has always been faithful to me. God has been my provider and will continue to bless me and that is what my happiness is all about. Thank you Lord.
After a miriad of tests, results of said led to fairly simple solutions. These solutions have relieved me of all anxiety medicines and sleep aids except for the occasional prescription as needed. It has become abundantly clear to me that I must simplify my life. I must prioritize and make lists according to importance. Some of the decisions that followed have resulted in anger from my family, but it is ok. Somewhere in my REM, I sort out the issues and resolve them instead of letting them fester and attack me until I crash.
I have been a giver so long that at age 60, this compliance was really taking its toll on my health. I mentally had to let go and say goodbye to circumstances I accepted years ago. I can no longer comply or respond to certain issues in my life. I have to let them go. I have to take the chance that I will be fine without distractions that keep me in turmoil. It's not easy, as I am the emotional sort who has thrived on confusion. No longer. Family and personal problems have forced me to take a stand for myself.
I am convinced that the Lord is coming for his church soon. The rapture is near, and my service to the Lord will be concluded upon this earth. I am pulled to pray diligently for my children and grandchildren. I pray that they too will be taken away in a blink of an eye, but what about the rest of my family and my loved ones. I can't live their lives for them. I can't change the reality of being saved or not being saved. All I can do is present the gospel to them and hope that my prayers for their salvation will be answered.
I will have to send hard letters this year, and just say goodbye. I look around and I am constantly reminded that I am to be in the world and not of it. Over and over I can see where life has just ravished people around me. These same people have gotten so far away from the Lord that their worlds just seem to keep tumbling out of control.
I am choosing to stop worrying about everyone else, and concentrate on me. What makes me happy? Worshipping God, my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my family, and my friends. In that order....no exceptions. What can I do to balance me? Let go of the past. It is over. Today works and lets me dream of tomorrow. If my actions destroy relationships I have carefully kept cultivated for decades, so be it. The Holy Spirit is just compelling me to take a stand for my Lord. No more diplomacy or good manners or tickling the ears of those I love, just to keep the status quo and peace. I will rise from the ashes of my losses to new beginnings and new focuses. My number one focus will be on the Lord, and He will bless me as He always has; even when I was so undeserving. I thank God that He has always been faithful to me. God has been my provider and will continue to bless me and that is what my happiness is all about. Thank you Lord.
Grandmother's in the Gap
Monday mornings are regularly finding me at a prayer group for grandchildren. Our group prays for our grandchildren and the needs of each others grands. It is a powerful time when women pray in one accord.
I am always amazed at how the Lord takes my wants for other people in my life and turns them into needs for me. As I pray for the Holy Spirit to do the spiritual work in my children's hearts, the Holy Spirit starts working on me and nudges me to be bold in the work on this earth. Last week, I was nudged to write letters to my children to urge them to seek church families for my grandchildren. I urged them to look together as husband and wife for a church that will embrace them in Christian fellowship and where they will enjoy worshiping the Lord as a family.
I was further urged to include activities from their youth that brought spititual joy and thanksgiving to God. I reminded them that they are blessed because they are the Lord's, and everything they have is because God gave it to them. The riches are the Lord's and He distributes them. As Christians, it is very important to never forget from whom the blessings flow.
My life is not perfect, and the kids know this. However, I accept that God has chosen to bless me in spite of my circumstances, and it is my duty to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ and encourage my children to provide the church family activities that may or may not lead my grands to the Lord. It is my job to pray that my grands be given the people, place, or activity that will insure that we are all in heaven for an eternity. This physical life is so fleeting, but the promise of life everlasting is such a gift, and it is this gift, I want for my children's children.
I am always amazed at how the Lord takes my wants for other people in my life and turns them into needs for me. As I pray for the Holy Spirit to do the spiritual work in my children's hearts, the Holy Spirit starts working on me and nudges me to be bold in the work on this earth. Last week, I was nudged to write letters to my children to urge them to seek church families for my grandchildren. I urged them to look together as husband and wife for a church that will embrace them in Christian fellowship and where they will enjoy worshiping the Lord as a family.
I was further urged to include activities from their youth that brought spititual joy and thanksgiving to God. I reminded them that they are blessed because they are the Lord's, and everything they have is because God gave it to them. The riches are the Lord's and He distributes them. As Christians, it is very important to never forget from whom the blessings flow.
My life is not perfect, and the kids know this. However, I accept that God has chosen to bless me in spite of my circumstances, and it is my duty to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ and encourage my children to provide the church family activities that may or may not lead my grands to the Lord. It is my job to pray that my grands be given the people, place, or activity that will insure that we are all in heaven for an eternity. This physical life is so fleeting, but the promise of life everlasting is such a gift, and it is this gift, I want for my children's children.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Time Will Tell
My visit to a friend this morning will serve to make her laugh at a very stressful time in her life. She's a dear whom I met in a Bible study about 4 years ago. Our lives have been on fast forward since.
Friend is facing a possible liver and kidney double transplant. She and her hub are visiting the Mayo Clinic before finally deciding what course of action to follow. I wish I were more medically inclined, so I could follow the huge medical words and terms of her condition with a better understanding. Basically, I understand that her kidneys are shutting down, and something produced by her liver is causing this. Sounds scary to me.
I am praying that dialysis will be an option after second opinions are given. She has a good personality to be able to handle sitting during the process. She's a lovely knitter, and the time involved with dialysis would be an acceptable reason to create a lovely project. I am going to remind her of her calm attributes as a reference for thought during the next couple of weeks. I tend to agree with her husband and just wonder why her liver needs to be replaced also. Whatever the liver is doing supposedly takes about 60 years to cause the damage to the kidneys.
They know she won't live another 60 years. It's the double transplant that throws up a red flag for me. However, I am not a medical person, and am praying that the decisions will be made for what is best for her and not for the medical profession, just so the surgeons can practice medicine. I am not comfortable with my friend being a living guinea pig or lab rat. I imagine her husband has much more explicit fears.
Friend is facing a possible liver and kidney double transplant. She and her hub are visiting the Mayo Clinic before finally deciding what course of action to follow. I wish I were more medically inclined, so I could follow the huge medical words and terms of her condition with a better understanding. Basically, I understand that her kidneys are shutting down, and something produced by her liver is causing this. Sounds scary to me.
I am praying that dialysis will be an option after second opinions are given. She has a good personality to be able to handle sitting during the process. She's a lovely knitter, and the time involved with dialysis would be an acceptable reason to create a lovely project. I am going to remind her of her calm attributes as a reference for thought during the next couple of weeks. I tend to agree with her husband and just wonder why her liver needs to be replaced also. Whatever the liver is doing supposedly takes about 60 years to cause the damage to the kidneys.
They know she won't live another 60 years. It's the double transplant that throws up a red flag for me. However, I am not a medical person, and am praying that the decisions will be made for what is best for her and not for the medical profession, just so the surgeons can practice medicine. I am not comfortable with my friend being a living guinea pig or lab rat. I imagine her husband has much more explicit fears.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
HOSPICE
I knew but just ignored the obvious with mindless images concerning loved ones. We are born and then, cell by cell the dying process begins. Death comes too soon for many, and yet lingers on the fringes of quality for others.
Statistically, I know that the average person, and most of us are average, live 7-8 years longer than our parents. I have seen this life cycle in my own family. My father lived almost 8 years longer than his father. My mother is curently living 8 years longer than her mother. I have neighbors in their 80s who are currently living with relatives whose longevity is into or close to the 100 age. It's the inevitability of death that has seemed to sneak up on my senses.
After another spell with my mom, the reality of death hit me in the face when I wanted to know the next step for her care. HOSPICE was the response from the doctor. When was speculative, but at the word, my mind went on auto-pilot concerning the details. My family was in agreement as to solutions for our mom's care, and I am thankful for that. I left my mom in a stable, strong condition, and I was thankful for the time we shared.
Even with the warnings from professionals, the reality of losing my loved one is still hard. The ever optimist in me prays that the doctors are wrong, and she will enjoy at least another decade of quality life. My head is prepared, but my heart is not.
Statistically, I know that the average person, and most of us are average, live 7-8 years longer than our parents. I have seen this life cycle in my own family. My father lived almost 8 years longer than his father. My mother is curently living 8 years longer than her mother. I have neighbors in their 80s who are currently living with relatives whose longevity is into or close to the 100 age. It's the inevitability of death that has seemed to sneak up on my senses.
After another spell with my mom, the reality of death hit me in the face when I wanted to know the next step for her care. HOSPICE was the response from the doctor. When was speculative, but at the word, my mind went on auto-pilot concerning the details. My family was in agreement as to solutions for our mom's care, and I am thankful for that. I left my mom in a stable, strong condition, and I was thankful for the time we shared.
Even with the warnings from professionals, the reality of losing my loved one is still hard. The ever optimist in me prays that the doctors are wrong, and she will enjoy at least another decade of quality life. My head is prepared, but my heart is not.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Growing Pains
Dynamics of family life can be some of the most frustrating issues in one's lifetime. I have learned one thing in my sixty years on this earth. I have no control over the future. I finally admit it. I give up and release the future to those who are going to live it. While on earth, I will pray for the characters of the dramas to come, and if God allows me to oversee them after my death, I will do so after I die. However, for now, I release them, so I can go forward in life.
My mother is very ill again. I am ill or would be at her side. I am concentrating on now and getting well, so I can be there in the near future to hold her hand as she battles between life and death. According to statistics, she has at 80 lived 8 years longer than her mother, and statistically this might be the end. I am praying that it isn't, but mentally preparing myself for whatever God has in mind. A loved one's crisis always brings out the good, the bad, and the ugly. Unfortunately, the ugly seems to describe me at times like these. I am always flabbergasted at the lack of compassion exhibited by individuals when someone is just at their lowest point, whether it is caused by health, emotional, or financial issues.
I have observed that the compassion gene just hasn't been passed on to generations following mine. I sometimes wonder if the humanism of schools provided this venue. I am constantly surprised at actions that seem to kick the dead horse. People who swoop in when someone is easily manipulated are particularly repulsive to me, and the ugly in me lets them know it.
I have also observed that in my family, "the honesty is the best policy," truth in living has just been tossed aside. Liars can't even keep their stories straight anymore. I have lied at times in my life, and asked forgiveness when discovered. I didn't try to justify why I lied. When I chose to lie, I knew why, and just accepted the fact that I had been busted if the truth came up in conversation. I am not this saint, but I can count the times in my life that I felt it necessary to lie, and both hands aren't full yet. A lie four years ago, no you aren't going to die, not while you are in my charge. That lie gave hope. Don't know if it will work this time.
My family seems to have built a life of using lies to manipulate each other, and it has truly become a tangled web. Maybe my ugly side is the reason, I am always the last to know. If liars would just change, then they could be spared what I call my righteous wrath. I have discovered, when family dynamics are off, that sometimes it forces basically honest people to also follow suite with the lies. I find myself in a position that forces me to protect my family in legal ways. Then, if asked about it, I will be forced to lie in order to protect those I love. Fighting fire with fire comes to mind, but it still doesn't make sense.
My mother is very ill again. I am ill or would be at her side. I am concentrating on now and getting well, so I can be there in the near future to hold her hand as she battles between life and death. According to statistics, she has at 80 lived 8 years longer than her mother, and statistically this might be the end. I am praying that it isn't, but mentally preparing myself for whatever God has in mind. A loved one's crisis always brings out the good, the bad, and the ugly. Unfortunately, the ugly seems to describe me at times like these. I am always flabbergasted at the lack of compassion exhibited by individuals when someone is just at their lowest point, whether it is caused by health, emotional, or financial issues.
I have observed that the compassion gene just hasn't been passed on to generations following mine. I sometimes wonder if the humanism of schools provided this venue. I am constantly surprised at actions that seem to kick the dead horse. People who swoop in when someone is easily manipulated are particularly repulsive to me, and the ugly in me lets them know it.
I have also observed that in my family, "the honesty is the best policy," truth in living has just been tossed aside. Liars can't even keep their stories straight anymore. I have lied at times in my life, and asked forgiveness when discovered. I didn't try to justify why I lied. When I chose to lie, I knew why, and just accepted the fact that I had been busted if the truth came up in conversation. I am not this saint, but I can count the times in my life that I felt it necessary to lie, and both hands aren't full yet. A lie four years ago, no you aren't going to die, not while you are in my charge. That lie gave hope. Don't know if it will work this time.
My family seems to have built a life of using lies to manipulate each other, and it has truly become a tangled web. Maybe my ugly side is the reason, I am always the last to know. If liars would just change, then they could be spared what I call my righteous wrath. I have discovered, when family dynamics are off, that sometimes it forces basically honest people to also follow suite with the lies. I find myself in a position that forces me to protect my family in legal ways. Then, if asked about it, I will be forced to lie in order to protect those I love. Fighting fire with fire comes to mind, but it still doesn't make sense.
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