Recently, several emotional events have convinced me that I must make some life changes although not serious, but details that keep getting in the way of my personal happiness. Many of the details deal with family and friends who have created paradoxes in my life. I was moving along at my usual pace, wondering what the heck was wrong with me physically. I searched various medical entities and the solutions were there.
After a miriad of tests, results of said led to fairly simple solutions. These solutions have relieved me of all anxiety medicines and sleep aids except for the occasional prescription as needed. It has become abundantly clear to me that I must simplify my life. I must prioritize and make lists according to importance. Some of the decisions that followed have resulted in anger from my family, but it is ok. Somewhere in my REM, I sort out the issues and resolve them instead of letting them fester and attack me until I crash.
I have been a giver so long that at age 60, this compliance was really taking its toll on my health. I mentally had to let go and say goodbye to circumstances I accepted years ago. I can no longer comply or respond to certain issues in my life. I have to let them go. I have to take the chance that I will be fine without distractions that keep me in turmoil. It's not easy, as I am the emotional sort who has thrived on confusion. No longer. Family and personal problems have forced me to take a stand for myself.
I am convinced that the Lord is coming for his church soon. The rapture is near, and my service to the Lord will be concluded upon this earth. I am pulled to pray diligently for my children and grandchildren. I pray that they too will be taken away in a blink of an eye, but what about the rest of my family and my loved ones. I can't live their lives for them. I can't change the reality of being saved or not being saved. All I can do is present the gospel to them and hope that my prayers for their salvation will be answered.
I will have to send hard letters this year, and just say goodbye. I look around and I am constantly reminded that I am to be in the world and not of it. Over and over I can see where life has just ravished people around me. These same people have gotten so far away from the Lord that their worlds just seem to keep tumbling out of control.
I am choosing to stop worrying about everyone else, and concentrate on me. What makes me happy? Worshipping God, my husband, my children, my grandchildren, my family, and my friends. In that order....no exceptions. What can I do to balance me? Let go of the past. It is over. Today works and lets me dream of tomorrow. If my actions destroy relationships I have carefully kept cultivated for decades, so be it. The Holy Spirit is just compelling me to take a stand for my Lord. No more diplomacy or good manners or tickling the ears of those I love, just to keep the status quo and peace. I will rise from the ashes of my losses to new beginnings and new focuses. My number one focus will be on the Lord, and He will bless me as He always has; even when I was so undeserving. I thank God that He has always been faithful to me. God has been my provider and will continue to bless me and that is what my happiness is all about. Thank you Lord.